Walked around aimlessly, wandering
My faint breath, just showing white in the air
The meaninglessness of the seasons going by
Brought on the tears, for no reason
“I still love you…”
The wind tugged at short dark brown strands of hair as he stared at the darkening sky, wondering how long he had until the clouds decided to pour out the grief of the world. The thought barely left the forefront of his mind before the clouds opened up to the world. He smiled as he remembered sweet kisses, simple hugs, and walks in the rain with his lover. The memories brought happiness as well as pain, as he knew they would. Tears fell from his light brown eyes, unnoticed with the rain. His hair clung to his skin reminding him of how, just a year ago, someone clung to him whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Sighing, he continued walking, his clothes slowly becoming soaked.
The sadness that continues to fall
Changes to pure white snow
I kept looking to the sky
If now my wish reaches you,
Before my body vanishes
Hold me tightly once more
His gaze remained locked with the slowly whitening clouds. He barely noticed the couple that was trying to escape the freezing rain, only noticing because they were laughing. Smiling, he went back to wandering, his mind thinking of the simplest things. His body temperature dropped with the weather, so when he realized it was snowing he was genuinely surprised.
”Changmin-ah~” The deep kind of scratchy voice sounded from behind him just as he felt something cold and wet go down his shirt.
Yelping at the sudden cold against his very warm skin, he pulled his jacket and shirt away from his body in an attempt to release the quickly melting snow. Glaring playfully, Changmin gathered as much snow as he could and tossed it at his hyung, both of them ignoring the shouts from the Japanese staff members. The two continued the fight for a good few minutes before the cold had them huddled in the back of the car for warmth.
Changmin smiled at the memory, already missing the warmth of his hyung. He had one wish and though he knew it was childish, he closed his eyes and clasped his hands together making a wish up on the stars.
We hurt each other so many times
Unable to understand one another
Even when you were always kind,
Engraved in the ring you sprung upon me,
Our promise remains unfulfilled
“Even now, I remember…”
Changmin walked into the dorms, trying to be ninja like so he wouldn’t wake his leader up. Yunho had enough problems as it was, not that he ever told Changmin. Dumb leader should learn to share the burden, especially with the recent events. Sighing, he quickly made his way to the bathroom after removing his wet shoes. Wet clothes slid to the ground with a plop around his feet. He turned the water on, not bothering to wait for it to warm. The little droplets felt like they were pelting his skin, stinging a bit. The pain reminded him of another incident, or rather a lot of incidents. He was harsh, he knew this, but he was joking. His hyungs knew that, right? He could remember manipulating one of his hyungs so he could shower before them in the mornings. Yunho had complained about him being the last one out and Changmin had felt horrible, yet refused to show it. His hyungs knew he loved them, right?
Stepping out of the shower, he remembered the harsh things he said on stage. Was that why he had left? Had he been too harsh? Shaking off the doubt, Changmin wraps the towel around his waist and walks into the kitchen, spotting the ring his hyung had given to him for his birthday. Refusing to let the tears flow, Changmin holds the ring close to his heart, remembering words spoken to him like a goodbye.
“Even now, I remember.” Changmin whispered into his closed fist as if his hyung would hear his words.
My memories getting farther away from me,
Always so bright, I wanted to stay with you longer.
We can never see each other again but
You were always there for me,
I pray you never change…
Changmin flopped into bed, having given up on eating. It didn’t feel right without Jaejoong and Yuchun to eat and cook with him. He still couldn’t stop his midnight attempt at raiding the kitchen. Yunho had offered to do it with him, but Changmin had already lost three hyungs, he didn’t want to lose another. Already the memory was being slowly erased, as much as he wanted to stop and rewind time, he couldn’t. His eyes closed as he let out a sigh, dreaming of happy times.
I can’t rid myself of the final tears you showed me.
“Ne, Minnie, I want to ask you something.” The soft melodic voice whispered against his neck, the soft breath sending warm chills down his spine. Firm arms wrapped around his waist as rinsed the last of the soap from his body.
Smiling he turned around, pressing a soft kiss on the shorter male’s lips. “Ask and you might receive an answer.”
Jaejoong rolled his eyes, “Well Yuchun, Junsu, and I have been thinking and…do you love me?”
Dark obsidian hues stared into his with worry and fear. Concerned, Changmin pulled the other tight against him before nodding.
“I love you, Jae, now tell me what the three of you have been planning on your own.” Changmin whispered, pressing another kiss into soft raven locks. He could feel the familiar green little monster on his shoulder, but he trusted Jaejoong, so he mentally shoved it aside.
Jaejoong took a deep breath before spilling the news, “The three of us have decided to leave SM and we would really like for the two of you, Yunho and you, to come with us.”
The words were rushed in one breath, but Jaejoong had said longer phrases in one breath. Changmin however felt as if the breath had left him. The only thought going through his mind being why. He didn’t realize he had spoken aloud until Jaejoong began speaking again.
“Because, we’ve been treated unfairly having a contract for over 13 years. We’ve been pushed and pushed to do schedules even when we’re sick. Changmin you were passing out in one of our O performances. Don’t you think you deserve to be treated like a human instead of a doll? Plus we haven’t been paid for our Mirotic tour. If we lea..” Jaejoong’s voice grew in confidence with every passing second oblivious to the anger raging within Changmin.
“SHUT UP!” He all but shrieked, his voice raising three octaves, drawing a shocked and hurt expression from Jaejoong. “I agree we haven’t been treated right with SM, but they brought us to the fame we have today. You know they won’t let us go without a fight. You should also know that no other company would agree to sign us, just because of how huge SM is. SM will literally destroy what fame we have. They put money and time into us, making us who we are. Without SM, I wouldn’t have met such amazing people. I wouldn’t have met you and there would be no such thing as dong bang shin ki. I’m sorry, Jae, I can’t. We owe them too much.”
Tears tugged at the edges of those hues, tugging at the strings of Changmin’s heart. He wouldn’t be swayed, refused too. Hardening his heart and his gaze, almost breaking when the other flinched from him, Changmin turned the water off.
“Changmin-ah, why can’t you see that we would be so much better without those thieves breathing down our necks? We could be so much more without them.” The word thieves was spat with enough venom Changmin was surprised the floor didn’t melt.
“Hyung, Jae, I understand you want your money, but he…” Changmin reached for Jaejoong who jerked away from him.
“Damn you Changmin it’s not about the fucking money.” Jaejoong’s ssatori slipped in as tears streamed freely down his face. Changmin could see the hurt and it was all he could do not to tackle the elder in a hug and give in. Jaejoong didn’t give him a chance though as the elder ran away from him.
Even if I disappear with this white snow
I want to bloom in your heart forever
Changmin shifted on the damp covers, the towel riding lower on his hips. Stretching, Changmin shifted his gaze to the clock on his nightstand. 4am it read, he had only been asleep for two hours. Oddly, he was wide-awake. Sighing, he rolled over to look out the terrace doors. Snow was still falling, the beautiful flakes finally sticking to stuff. He wondered if he was stuck in the other three’s hearts as they were in his, forever blooming.
Never forget the warmth,
Of when we were nestled close, holding one another
Even when you’re loving someone else
I’ll never let go of your voice as I heard it the last time
I want to fall into a deep sleep
Changmin missed the warmth that used to be on all sides of him. He missed the warmth from Jaejoong as his hyung curled into his arms. He missed Junsu’s back touching his as the other clung to Yuchun. He missed Yuchun’s arm touching his waist. He missed Yunho being on the other side of Jaejoong so he could hold the other’s hand as they all fell asleep.
The sadness that continues to fall
Changes to pure white snow
I kept looking to the sky
If now my wish reaches you,
Before my body vanishes
Hold me tight once more
“Changmin, do you mind if I sleep with you?” Yunho’s voice whispered through the darkness. Even though Changmin couldn’t see them, he knew Yunho had been crying. With a weak smile, Changmin nodded before realizing the other wouldn’t see it.
“Yeah.” He held the covers up and shifted over so the elder could fit on the bed with him. A small smile spread over his lips as Yunho hesitantly placed an arm on the crook of Changmin’s side. Changmin placed an arm on Yunho’s, pulling the elder to get closer to him. “Ne, Yunho, do you think they miss us?”
“I don’t think, I know they miss us.” Came the soft answer, that didn’t sound very convincing.
“But, hyung, how do you know?” Changmin hated that he sounded so childish, but he had grown up rather fast in most people’s opinion.
“Because they love us Changmin, they were just as hurt when we didn’t agree to leave with them. Don’t worry, we’ll find a way to talk to them again.” Yunho rubbed soothing circles where he could reach; smiling when he noticed the other had fallen asleep. Letting out a sigh, he closed his eyes.
‘Hold me tight once more…’
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